Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
