I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
