...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
