Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
