I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
