I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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