My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
