I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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