i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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