We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
