just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Send help, water and tortillas.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
