Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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