Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
