I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
