what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
