White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
