Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
