i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
