Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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