I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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