i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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