God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
