took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
