man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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