Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
organizing the empties. That sober.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
