My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and she was petting her beer can
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
