I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
