theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
