hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
