He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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