i think my tv is drunk
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
