He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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