i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
