i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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