I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm jealous of your bromance
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
