I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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