You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
