She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
