While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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