i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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