Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
