soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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