Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you never un-have a 4some
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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