my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
