Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
