I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
