I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
