You just made me feel so damn special
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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