you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Panties = found
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
