Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
